Nothing Matters But This
by traciaknows
Summary: She listens hard for baby toys to beep and call out. But she hears nothing, senses the stillness...  Disclaimer: SOA belongs to SutterInk -Reviews and constructive criticism are both very much appreciated- Thanks!-


The stillness is what wakes her.

Tara opens her eyes and lets them adjust to the morning light that is sneaking in from the cracks in the curtains that she's sure that Jax has drawn closed over the blinds. In the fourteen long months that Jax had been gone, Tara had grown used to the noises that only a house with children has. She's used to the baby noises, either sweet or fussy, but doesn't hear them on the baby monitor. She listens hard for baby toys to beep and call out, or for Sesame Street to be playing quietly on the television, and or even for Raffi to be singing his silly songs on the Pandora radio station that Abel loves so much (and she tolerates because sometimes they play The Spin Doctors and The Barenaked Ladies). But she hears nothing, senses the stillness through out the house. She comes quickly awake as only mothers can, and gets up to investigate.

She grabs her cell off the bedside table as she leaves the bedroom and heads down the hall towards the boys' bedroom. Stepping into it, she sees that it is almost exactly as she left it the night before when she fed Thomas in the night. She notices that the items on the changing table have been moved around and the boys' pajamas are on the floor by it. Jax's habit of leaving clothes on the floor is endearing and irritating and Tara has long ago dubbed it a "man thing."

She heads back out and back down the hall, heading towards the living room. Silence meets her and she takes a second to swallow back the lick of fear that threatens to wind its way up her throat. Tara recognizes that she still has some moderate to full-blown paranoia when it comes to the boys' safety. She figures that it's pretty normal considering the lingering trauma of Abel's kidnapping and their life with SAMCRO in general. While Jax was gone some of the new prospects would ride by the house several times through out the day and night, much to the neighbors' chagrin. For her own piece of mind she had a security system put in the house and still often carries a small weapon with her when she leaves the house. She deems this as practical given their circumstances. She knows that she set the alarm before they went to bed. She knows that Jax wouldn't have left without telling her.

She feels her heart start to pound when she doesn't find Jax or the boys in the breakfast area or kitchen. _Don't panic, _she thinks, _There is a reason why they aren't here. _Jax has told her that she was like still waters on more than one occasion. She knows that completely losing it is counterproductive. She takes a few deep breaths and works on being calm, pushing back unwanted visions of Abel and Thomas taken.

Her eyes travel the kitchen, checking the small corkboard on the fridge for a note from Jax. It would be a logical spot for him leave her something- especially as she herself had left him a note there the day before, but there is nothing new there. The only note she finds from him is a post-it from the first few weeks that they were back together in which Jax's block letters spell out "Have a good day sweetheart."

He had left her notes like that when they were in high school, usually inside her locker. It had been one of the many simple ways that he showed her that he cared about her. Then, as now, there was a fierceness in the way Jax loved her, and in how she loved him. The last year and a half has reinforced her belief that she will never stop loving Jax Teller.

Tara turns from the fridge and sees that there is coffee in the coffeemaker and she walks over to it. Its glass carafe is warm when she touches it. Jax hates coffee, but he likes to make it for her. Since he's been home he's made it for her every day. It's warm enough to tell her that it's still fairly fresh. An empty cereal bowl sits in the sink and an open box of Cheerios has been left out on the counter.

She turns then and walks back through to the living room. If something has happened, it would have been with in the last hour. More unwanted thoughts come, this time of Jax, injured and bleeding. _Stop it! _She tells herself harshly. She flips the cell in her hand and is about to dial Jax's new pre-pay when she catches sight of Jax through the sliding glass door.

Relief washes away all of the earlier panic that she felt as she stands at the glass as she takes in the sight of Jax in the back yard. He and the boys are sitting on a blanket that typically stays folded on the living room couch; Thomas bouncing merrily in his padded bouncy seat and Abel sitting to Jax's right. A cardboard box labeled "JAX'S TOYS" sits open to Jax's left. A variety of action figures surround them. Her heart fills as she sees Jax turn his face to Abel's as he shows him what she thinks is a G.I. Joe. Abel reaches out to take the toy and Jax says something to the boy. Abel says something in return which makes Jax laugh.

She marvels at his laughter as its come so rarely since she came back to Charming and they've started this new life together. She's seen him chuckle and smile, watched as his eyes have lit up and his face express amazement and awe; knows all too well how he can throw out an amused smirk, but this is different. This is pure joy and it brings tears to her eyes. She loves seeing him this way, open and in the moment, the pressures of his responsibilities at bay for the time being. In this instant he's free and Tara realizes that she loves him more now than ever.

As she stands there, Abel gets up and moves to the cardboard box. He pulls out another toy and shows it to his father. Jax leans in and she imagines he's telling Abel all about the merits of the action figure. She wants to go out and join in their fun, but she decides to wait. It's only been a few days since he's been home from his time at Stockton. In those precious hours, they have spent every minute that they could together as a family- but she knows that Jax and the boys need a chance to really reconnect in a way that the short weekly visits at the prison just didn't allow.

She goes and gets showered and dressed, taking her time. She thinks of her family, of Jax, and how she desperately she wants to see him laugh again. Finally, when she thinks that enough time has passed, she pulls the sliding glass and goes out. Even more toys are spread out on the blanket now. As she gets closer she makes out several Thunder Cats, a He-Man, and a handful of Transformers.

Jax turns to look over at her when the door slides and he gives her warm look. For a split second she's speechless as the sucker punch of feelings she has for him runs through her. She can't help but wonder if she'll ever have a time when she's not staggered by his ridiculous attractiveness of his and by the way he looks at her. When she gets close enough, she touches his face, letting her hand that carries his ring move back to brush over the back of his neck.

"Good mornin' babe," he says with his face tilted up towards hers. She recovers and leans down to kiss him. She lets her lips linger on his, reveling in the fact that she can. Jax smiles up at her but then his attention is drawn back to Abel who holds up a one armed Han Solo close to his face.

"Who dis?" Abel asks.

"That my man, is Han Solo, and he is a bad ass."

Tara smiles and allows herself to be pulled down and into Jax's lap, "I think he's called a scoundrel."

Jax laughs again, murmuring to her that it's a good thing she likes scoundrels, and she can't help but grin. Calm fills her. They're together. For now, they're safe. Nothing matters but this.


End file.
